Christine Barnes brought up a good point in that the first and most of the last stanzas look like they were written by two different people, a la Jeckyll & Hyde. In fact, they were written on two separate sit-down occassions. She mentioned a bit about considering the nature of my audience - specifically my core audience - in terms "of context and performance." Add that to a discussion (in a very loose sense of the term) we had on a post she did on her spoken-word performance (Yeeaaahhh!) the other day about the nature of performance as a whole and the necessity of the hook and simplicity, I made some changes to the performance peice you'll see below. However, for my own personal pickiness, perhaps, I decided to stick to my guns of the flowing prowess of the of.
Sand Castles & Snow Forts
I see spring surprising again
Timing its chimes with the rise & convergence
of pretty patterns of
Robins serenading each other.
I think I've a God who grants
grace - who plays in the
wind in my face,
Who loves me,
who loves me so
I can't BELIEVE the way he loves me so.
He made the universe and all its elements
colored the lines with splendidness
how can I resist his love in my stubborn form
It’s like throwing up cold shoulders, sand castles,
& snow forts.
he loves me,
Yes, he loves me so –
I can’t BELIEVE the way he loves me so.