Monday, May 02, 2005

Since the Bulls are down... again

Because I don't feel like going out to watch the game or even going home to listen to the game (who can afford cable during this anti-climatic depression?), and because I'm still depressed about my missing stuff, I'm gonna do a bit more blogging tonight. And since I already talked about forseeable changes to the Muppets, here's something to whet your whistle all you Fast Food Nation people. Cookie Monster is a recovering cookieholic. That's right, to paraphrase Homer, "Cookie Monster loves cookiehol!"

Sorry, Cookster! has done some investigative reporting into the world of the Purpose-Driven Life-heads. Beware the Warren-nites; they're always searching for that ultimate small group experience!

Archived reportage on the continuing trends of trendy upstart and mega-churches have uncovered this story of a would-be theater-goer and this of super-commuting church customers. And, if you love the non-marrieds in your church, you might want to read this story of how a little name change in ministry can work miracles.

Apparently, one movie reviewer represents the whole of the religious right (Whatever that means. I think some poorly misinformed journalists speak of all American Evangelicals as merely being pawns for one or two figure heads, Falwell, Dobson, etc.) . But this guy, Bob Waliszewski, director of Plugged In Film Review, spoke against the upcoming movie Kingdom of Heaven and now apparently we all hate it because we're not smart enough to judge for ourselves. Who are you, Bob Waliszewski? Actually, I don't blame him, I blame John Harlow, Mr. Oblivious for the London Times. His example proves that all of London hates Christians. They're anti-Christian bigots. Let's get them.

And remember, you heard it hear first.

*And remember, if you can't tell the difference between reality and satire, that's a sad, sad statement on our society, right little Irish babies? But don't hurt anybody, or eat any babies.


  1. Coooookiiiiieeee!

    Ia it just me or do those yellow and brown thingies in the Cookie Monster picture look like oversized M&M's?

    I remember reading about Cookie Monster's forced decision about 'healthy eating' on one day and was in utter shock. It's like telling Count he can't count anymore because astrologers say he's abusing the purpose of numerology (ok, that's random), but you know what I mean.

    Count's my favorite, btw.

  2. 1, 2, buckle- my- shoe.


    ah ah ah ah ah.

    count kinda freaks me out. like he belongs in an Ed Wood movie. "i want to suck... your blood. yes, that's right. i want to suck... uh, your blood." it just reminds me (faintly 'cuz it's on too late) of a warped conan o'brien skit. oh yeah, that's right. you mounties don't like conan. that's ok. we'll keep him. ok, i'll keep him. he's locked in my closet. (intense silence) i was kidding. my closet doesn't have any locks. he's there voluntarily.

    and the yellow and brown "cookies" are actually big birds boo-boos.

    (ohhh, why did i have to be obscene on the sesame street post? oh yeah, because i find it amusing.)

  3. Hey now, I LIKE Conan. I was the one laughing at his jokes whilst Montrealians were throwing hot jambon on me (ok maybe not, but they have a bad habit of saying 'Vive le Quebecois!' when they're angry...and happy...and sleeping...)

    And Count's the man! Or the vampire rather, that used to be a man. At some point. Unless he's like Blade.

  4. the count as blade? now that would be cool.

    "The Daywalker?"

    "One, two, eat- my- silver-... Blahh!"

    "You'll die, Count!"

    "I want to suck..."

  5. hot jambon?

    is that like big bird's boo-boos?

    that would be nasty. but really, it sound new orleans-ic. do montrealians have roots in the carribean too?

    now i'm just making stuff up.

    sorry for those who've come across these comment sections looking for healthy and hearty discussions on weighty issues that affect us all. the posts are really just window filling that we use to disguise the comments-sections, where everything is about perverted muppets and muppet fecal matter and horrible ethno-history. sorry.


  6. Ewww 'new-orleans-ic'...that's where "the boy" is from.

    And yes, Montrealians do have roots in the Caribbean, especially the French Caribbean (Martinique, Guadeloupe, etc), the Greater Antilles generally.

    They still dislike Jamaicans, though. Oh well. It's hard being the best. Well, that is tied at best, because quarter-ricanengliscottfrancaisians definitely fill the top slot beside us!

    And don't apologize to the general public, they probably enjoy our little show 'behind the scenes.'

  7. ohhh,

    i can't even spell 'caribbean.'

    and you left out the 'dutchie.'

    i'm sorry, people, i really am.


Be kind. Rewind.