Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Father (and friends) forgive me

Been thinking of the ways I've hurt my friends. I don't know if I've been belligerent. I don't know if it's because I've been bullish or just full of bull****. In each case I've genuinely tried to be speak the truth in love, standing firm in what I believe God was calling me to while giving leeway for interpretations, disagreements, compromise, etc. See, it all makes sense in my head. I may have a great idea. I don't pretend to have the best idea or the only idea or one that can't be bent or broken...

Before I go on, there's just so many factors in any given relationship that to delve into any further detail - when I can barely talk to my friends about it (more on that later) - is to invite folly to eat with us at the dinner table. Thing is, I've been chided, or nearly chided, by my friends and have said little-to-nothing. I have enough wisdom to keep quiet during those moments, I suppose. I don't have enough wisdom to navigate those moments (I don't believe that they should always be avoided. I just feel like such a goomp that they happen so often around me and that I tend to be the instigator. That's the problem!). I feel like I should say something or do something to make them aware that I do value them, that I do love them. But saying such is not going to cut it at those points. It comes across as hollow and I would use Love's name in vain (against the Ten Commandments), wedging us further apart.

It's at times like this that big sis says something to soothe the male, savage beast in me. I wonder aloud (or a-writing) how much of these lyrics about these ignorant bullocks describe me:

It took me a little while to discover / Wolves in sheep coats who pretend to be lovers / Men who lack conscience will even lie to themselves, to themselves / A friend once said, and I found to be true / That everyday people, they lie to God too / So what makes you think, that they won't lie to you

Forgive them Father for they know not what they do...
Forgive me Father, sisters, brothers. Thank you, Lauryn.


  1. Awwwww...

    Great post. Kinda reminds me of the many talks I have with myself about how I've treated people during the course of my day, week, or life on a whole. I think it's safe to say we've all been insolent, disrespectful, belligerent or whatever else to our friends at some point, because we're all capable of the worst.

    (What irks me is when people are so hell-bent on their 'best self', they're completely ignorant or rather oblivious to their own innate faults...)

    argh...I'm still quite bitter over my situation, BUT what you had to say is refreshing. Anything that can tie into Lauryn 3:16 is Golden (said Jill Scott).

  2. I'm supposing the indominable Ms. Scott calls her that because she's the gospel truth...

    I was just reading an interview that she did shortly after 2.0 was made, after having watched the dvd for the first time a month ago (o, isn't that a kanye west song) and just being struck by her. i'm not an entertainer. but yet, she is. it's just beautiful artistry. and i have to stand back and just admire that. come. i've created. eat, drink. if you like, stick around for more. if not, i'm sure someone else will have what you need.

    she's a truth-bomb. i always believe we need to temper our truth with love, with looking out for the other person as a priority, but i respect her faith journey. it sounds very platonic, though. which i guess i'm pretty influenced by a platonic reading of the Gospels, of the Truth (wasn't John?).

    actually, i believe plato's theories/philosophies were developed TO introduce the TRUTH. now i'm just off on a tangent.

    allow yourself to heal, sis. it's ok.



Be kind. Rewind.