Dishing on the Cheeseheads

Note: Some of these Chicago Bears v Green Bay Packers jokes have been around longer than the NFL. Some are more-or-less standard redneck jokes. Normally I would be averse to publishing such jokes... But this is Green Bay we're talking about here. And we the Bears haven't played with them in the post-season since we before Daley the First was mayor.
Other jokes were introduced or made up by myself or Facebook friends. If you want credit, claim it.

Q: What do you call a good looking lady in Green Bay?
A: Tourist

Q: What is the difference between a Packer fan and a baby?
A: The baby will stop whining after awhile.

Q: Did you hear about the fire at the Packers’ library facilities?
A: Both books were burned, and one of them had not even been colored in yet.

Q: How do you save a drowning Packer fan?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: What does a hunter without a gun in the middle of a forest and Green Bay have in common?
A: Neither of them can stop the Bears

photo © 2010 Cornelia Kopp | more info (via: Wylio)


A Bears fan, a Packers fan, and a Vikings fan get shipwrecked on an island and some natives take them to their king. At first, the king plans to execute them, then, he decides to grant them one wish, twenty lashes on the back, and let them go.
The Vikings fan wishes for a pillow strapped to his back. It doesn’t hold well during the whipping and broke after 5 whips, leaving 15 painful marks on his back.
The Packers fan wishes for 2 pillows. It lasts for ten whips and he ended up screaming in pain. When it was the Bears fan’s turn though, a smile came across his face.
“I wish for 300 whips,” the king thought the Bears fan was being very brave and noble, so he gave him another wish. “I wish the Packers fan was strapped to my back!”

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cheesehead. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Cheeseheads too. No one really knowing what a Cheesehead was, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kimberly who has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. “Because I’m not a Cheesehead.” “Then”, asks the teacher, “what are you?” “Why, I’m a proud Bears Fan,” boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slight...ly red. She asks Kimberly why she is a rebel. “Well, my mom and dad are Bears Fans, so I’m a Bears Fan too.” The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly. “What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?” A pause, and a smile. “Then,” says Kimberly, “I’d be a Cheesehead”

A Bears fan, a Packers fan and a Seahawks fan Are Climbing A Mountain And Arguing About Who Loves His Team More. The Seahawks Fan Insists That He Is The Most Loyal. "This Is For The Seahawks!" He Yells, And Jumps Off The Side Of The Mountain. Not To Be Outdone, the Bears fan Is Next To Profess His Love For His Team. He Yells, "This Is For The Bears!" And Pushes The Packer Fan Off The Mountain.
photo © 2007 Codo | more info (via: Wylio)

Q. Superman, an intelligent Packers fan, and Santa Claus are walking down the street and see a twenty dollar bill on the street. Who picks it up?
A. No one does. None of those persons exist.

Q: What do you call a pig walking around in downtown Green Bay?
A: Junior. Or Bubba. Or whatever names they use up there...

Q: What's the difference between a Packer's fan and year old cheese?
A: Not much.

Q: What do you call a good looking woman with a Packer fan?
A: A hostage

Cutler in the huddle: Forte. You have blood on you. Are you injured?
Forte: No. Packers keep bleeding on me.
Cutler: Alright! Who cut the cheesehead?

Q. Why doesn't the city of Green Bay just slide off into Lake Michigan?
A. The Packers suck.

Q. What do you call 32 female Packers fans in the same room?
A. A full set of teeth.

Crizzapsolute!

Early on in the season, Rex Grossman looked like General Sherman, burning bridges, railroads and defensive units in his wake.

Increasingly lately, though, he's looked like General Grant. After the war. In the presidency.

If we had kept the run going, with only a few long bombs, we should have easily had that. But it's lost now.

And I'm sad.

Really sad.

The good news is, my wife still loves me. We've still got a beautiful baby on the way. And Jesus loves me as much now as 32 years ago.

It's brutally cold, so cold you have to feel alive. I have a job, so does my wife. I've got great friends who care for me. I live in friggin' Chicago, U.S. of A. I'm drinking hot cocoa. I had a gypsy skillet from Cozy Corners this afternoon. I have a full fridge. I wear clothes. I have too many shoes (much more than when I was a youth, with one pair a year). I'm in a position to help others. I'm a teacher, teaching in my dream school. It takes all of my fingers to count all of my toes - ten; no more, no less.

I guess it's not too bad.

Days like today just aren't supposed to happen

The Mrs. jasdye and I are celebrating our first six months as a married couple today (wait for it... wait for it...). That's right, it's our halfiversary!

And today is the first time our lovable Chicago Bears play in the Super Bowl in 21 years.

O, my heart is torn.

j/k

I know where my loyalty lies.

On the side where I WON'T get a rolling pin thrown at me.

And the wifey is gracious enough to watch the game with me.

So, yeah, I'm blessed, suckas!

I've got one of those nasty colds. I'm always such a wuss when it comes to this stuff. (My wife's pregnant and without sleep, carrying a splitting headache - but she endures) I stayed home today to take care of grading and all the rest, but I can barely get my head around this nasty business.

But, what can I say? My - and my town's - prayers have been answered. The Bears are going to the Super Bowl! They are WHO WE THOUGHT THEY ARE! And I'm already sick of the people at espn.com for wanting nothing to do with the Bears crushing victory, everything to do with washed-up Parcells quiting Dallas (b/c, apparently, Dallas has given up on him), and mourning the Saints' loss.

Dude! This is Chicago! We're going to the Superbowl! And only twenty-one years after our last visit! With a minority coach! Against another minority coach! History, babies!

And, once again, a proud papa city gets to watch its team embarrass the national media and its Bear-skeptical prognasticators!

Bear Down!

Now, back to grading.

Our heavenly Papa Bear,

Who art in Halas Hall (and everywhere else),
Super Bowl champions be our name.
Superdome be come;
May your will be done
in Miami as it is in Chicago.
Give us Sunday our Devin Hester return touchdown;
And forgive us our Rex
As we forgive our Bretts;
And lead us not into temptation
As we trash the Saints -
For yours is the riots, champagne and bragging rights
for the next twenty years!

Amen