These Are My Confessions

About once a year, I go through this ceremonial cleansing. Call it an exorcism if you will. Or a colonoscopy. I have to get the troofiness out there. But since I don't want to limit the scope of my troof -tellin' to just my Facebook friends and because I'm facing a major case of blogger blockage right now, I'll share some with you.

Efektiv 2day I is a librul hatin', God guns and Ameruka lovin' patriot! Get out of Amureka, hippys and Messicans! 

Hooray Capitalism! 

‎#TeamGingrich! 

God luvs rich white men! God bless them all! Xpt for Warren Buffet. He's a race trayter! 

I WILL ALSO FROM NOW ON USE ALL CAPS 2 DISPLAY MY RIGHT-NESS!! 

Whoop, gunlubbinjeebus! 

My favorite commercial of all time has gotta be the Dr. Pepper 10 ads. If it's not for you, it's because you have a va-jayjay, so stop whining.* 

I can't believe I dismissed the musical genius of Creed!

 Muppets suck! What are people thinking? Talking socks and imagination? Screw that!

Leave poor Rushbo alone! He's the victim here! 

Michael Bay's a friggin' Art God! 

Ed Hardy... it's like somebody threw up awesomeness on clothes! 

For Easter, Jesus wants us to wear a suit and tie to church, men. Why else did he die but for us to spend money we don't have to look like we're going to a pastel-colored job interview? 

Joel Osteen is my favoritest! He's like a shiny rainbow of promises and teeth! 

And finally, all the evidence isn't in yet! You have to give them time before you call it racist, racists. Besides, we live in a post-racist country. So, who's the racists now? Also, Trayvon was a thug drug dealer and he shot first, also.

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*Yeah, I gave up on the spelling inaccuracies later. Dead giveaway?

There are two things a racist hates:

1) Being called a racist just because he insists that his hard-earned money shouldn't go towards THOSE lazy people - and besides, we all know who the real racists are: people who keep talking about racism.

2) THOSE people.

Really Bad Sociological Analysis

While at the park yesterday I noticed that there are two girls by the name of Sophie who are both my daughter's age. I'm a bit curious about trends, so I'm trying to think of other girl names that are repeated for kids around her age. And it strikes me that I've met a lot of other Jocelyns - although a bit older (usually around five years old).

Factor in a couple other facts: 1) Sophie means "Wisdom", Jocelyn means "Joyous"; 2) Nannies brought the Sophies to the park, yet the Jocelyns are generally from lower-income Latino families. Therefore, we can surmise, rich people value learning and poor people would rather be happy.

...

Jonathan and Chris at New Community Covenant Church's Warming Center

Somehow that joke was funnier in my head. But as I was stewing it up, I was thinking about a misconception that I've been hearing quite a bit about recently. It's this idea that a multicultural/multiclass environment is good because it allows the poor (and, specifically in the cases that I'm familiar with, Black and Hispanic) to learn healthy work habits from the more affluent.

That is ignorance on so many levels. It supposes, again, that there is a superior type of people who's job it is to teach the less-fortunate. It supposes, again, that poor people are poor because of laziness or lack of knowledge.

These stereotypes are as old as the divisions at Babel, I guarantee. But that doesn't make them true. I would suggest to anyone to whom this may come as a revelation to get to know some poor people - or, better yet, a lot of them. And to be honest, vice versa.

We could all, after all, use a little learning.

Fabio won't believe his eyes

Sometimes, I want to be an inventor. I'd like to invent two distinct, yet similar brands of substitute butter. I will put them up on the shelves of every grocer next to other leading brands of imitation spread.

One will be called, "So!?" and the other "Who Cares!?"

Across the aisle will be a tub of cheese-product named, "You Sure As Heck Won't Believe This Is Cheese!"