15 Ways to Leave that Loser

sometimes i don’t know why
all my love seems so unsatisfied
and i imagine all the lovely ladies have losing lovers –
mean, arrogant, pushing shovers
certainly i can’t be all that bad,
i’m a gentle guy but sometimes i get so mad
i’ve got personality
i can make you laugh –
what can he offer that i can’t?

A full-bodied mustache?

see, i’m a true Christian;
i follow Jesus,
we can live forever
in the land of milk, honey
and cheeses

so let me offer these bits of advice
for the Jiff ladies who’re choosier
if you like ‘em just nod your head twice,
15 ways to leave that loser

i’m assured that you’ve heard
you can turn him off with the Word,
but i say to you
in this age of fools:
hop on the bus, or scrap him like rust,
jump in the van,
heck, make other plans
you can tell him he’s a jerk
you can tell him at Mickey D’s,
Wendy’s or call him from work.

no one likes long-distance –
you can turn hoosier
this is just another instance –
15 ways to leave that loser

and if he abuses you,
can you step aside
so that i
may take a bat to his face
knock a mase down his hat?

now it may be strange and deranged
to call out the bums
i never thought myself a challenge
or threat to anyone

see, Jesus is a threat to everything
i hold so dear
including my plans to protect and
choose her,
he’s got better plans and he holds me so near
Jesus died and supplied for this

loser