Monday, July 11, 2005

Singles

You're looking for a born-again, water-baptized, never-married, church-going, tithe-giving, Bible-reading virgin to marry. Right — and there's life on Mars.

Anyway, that reminds me of the second question that I wanted to ask last post: What is the most ridiculous and /or funny pick-up line you ever heard or used? (Extra points to the lames who've used them.) Now, please be reminded that I've heard all the stand-bys (Too many gay bars around these parts!), so "Did it hurt...," "I must be dead...," and "I've lost my phone number, can I have yours," were at one time funny, but not anymore. I need new funny. Give us new funny!

A cleaned-up example my 'son' gave me the other day (I'm not known for being PC, but I am an educator and I'm trying to watch my mouth [er, fingers], so I gotta take it easy.): Both of your parents must be LD, because you sure are special.

Ok, it's funnier in the original, what can I say? The winner gets the first annual Barney Rubble's Daughter-In-Law Award.


Have a gay old time!

18 comments:

  1. Jason! bird man, i like to call you, even though you don't know-haha ur so funny that i just HAD to get to your site and say something.

    funniest pick up line i've heard lately would have to be last night at work for training..we were watchin a video and then they were talking about sexual harassment...

    well, these guys were in the locker area at work in Jewel and they were looking a sports illustrated edition magazine with chicks in it in bikinis...

    a gurl (co-worker) walks in to put her stuff in her locker so one of the guys was like hey susie, you'd look real good in this bikini...better yet, you look even better with nothing on. You should show me some time.

    and then this obviously LOW-ESTEEMED female walks out pouti and about to cry and the video goes on to describe how pitiful that is (well not really) but the fact that we shouldn't be afraid to report any offensive, physical, behavior, ahhaha, and then it went on to say that 95% of the sexual cases are females attacking males, rather than males on females-THAT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD

    anyway, yeah, about that pick-up line...don't remember any, go look them up online.

    and oh yeah, as for your last post, i saw somethin while scrolling.

    the stupidest comment i've gotten was actually the last one i got, the "male" that i don't know, (anyone you can help me find out who he is??) left me a comment when i did a "meme" thing b/c Gabi tagged me and said "drop it like it's hot!" what does that have to do w/anything?


    OK, i wrote a lot, wow, i'm done, hope to hear from you...you're so funny and witty...and i don't want to inflate a male's ego any larger, so i'll shut up.

    bye.
    -AC

    PS, sorry for calling you a "kid"

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  2. alibabba,

    hey, silly. y'know, i think you're the first teen to leave a reply here, although it sounds like you've been hit on by a teen yourself. he thinks you're hot. (ok, i don't know. i haven't read your blog yet.)

    thanks for the kudos. i think funny is vastly underrated. or is that overrated? anyway, it's important to have a sense of balance about you, and to know your surroundings and your bearings. or, you'll be like batman in the beginning and nearly lose. or something.

    oh, and so far, i think you're winning the comments war. yeah, quite a bit of a challenge it is.

    peace,
    j.

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  3. What are you trying to say? We don't exist? Ha! I'm a born-again, water-baptized, never-married, church-going, tithe-giving, Bible-reading virgin! So Nyah!

    And you already know about the lamest pick-up line I've ever heard.

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  4. yeah, gabifreshahol,

    it wasn't that funny, though. my boy's made me laugh. hard. of course, it was largely a language thing.

    i am too, i don't know if ya knew that. i don't remember where i picked up that quote, or why i wrote it, but it was laying around in my archives, waiting to be published. i'm still scratching my head. maybe i should contextualize it. i think people have a hard time believing that there's sociable, likeable, human, grown-up virgins out there.

    heeeeyyy,
    you wanna get married?

    ppppppppffffffffffttttttffff.

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  5. just kidding! just kidding!

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  6. LOL!!!!! hahah!!!!!!! I love Gabi.

    ur great, wait, who called me hot? you're being sarcastic i assume, but yeah everyone knows i'm hot. cough.

    np, and yeah i think ur right, it's just that i have so much happiness bubblin inside of me that i can't keep it in. it's impossible-i'd explode and the whole world would be a frenzy of preppy people. but i'm not a prep. Get taht straight aight playa.

    anyway, ooh, yeah, I don't like how I write anymore. Everything feels so BLAH! and it's irritating me.

    But I'm going on a female fast-meaning I'm gonna start commenting like guys do from now on.

    but that'll start tomorrow-tell me somethign about yourself, where you at?

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  7. wait a minute, chil'. who you talkin' to? i wasn't saying you're hot. i was saying the guy was saying you're hot. nononononono, i don't play that, even to be funny. i'm a teacher and a youth minister. nooooooo. that's nast.

    as to your question, chicago, humboldt park.

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  8. i'm totally trying to pronounce that. gabi-fresh-ahol?? so like what is that exactly? sounds like an air freshner. lol.

    nah, i knew it was a joke and you're right it really wasn't that funny :-P probably because it's better said aloud than read. haha!

    i wouldn't make a good wife. that whole submission thing doesn't work for me and i like to argue a lot. lol. j/k only about the submission part. :P

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  9. "do you sell flowers here? oh, too bad." now, if the guy who tried that on you wrote it in, he'd definitely get some points. that's about as lame as it gets.

    i guess i normally wouldn't worry about the arguing, but i have a feeling you'd take me out. get clobbered by mike tyson. we'll be on 'cops' and stuff. i'm tore UP!

    air freshener? yeah, that'll work. i don't know, it just sounded right. i think it's kind of like rage-ohol (my second Homer quote of the day: I'm a rageoholic! *sobs* I can't live without rageohol!)

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  10. Why do you think that I'm a fighter. I'm so harmless. I wouldn't hit anyone. I've never hit anyone. Honest. I'm like a little lamb. LoL.

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  11. physically, at this moment, yeah.

    but, i don't think i'd provoke you. nor do i think you'd fall for anyone who'd provoke you (Lord willing).

    like a little lamb, though? oh, child, don't lie here. this is holy ground (in the sense that i don't believe in a true division between the sacred and the mundane...) it's like lying in the church.

    now we need to pray over you and yo' soul.
    halkdfha; dhfnk ghjnvjkcnvnksjgkbkgdjv alvnk

    angelic tongues!
    spirit fingers!

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  12. I'm not lying on your sacred ground! psh! callin me a liar.

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  13. did you just 'psh!' on my sacred ground?

    huh? huh?

    o, it's on now...

    but first, pick up a book, get some reading done, then we'll talk.

    and if you still have some energy left, take your car down to the infamous humboldt park hood, right around western & division. we'll see how tough you really are.

    after i slip into my bunny house shoes and a nice cup of warm milk.

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  14. Psh! Is right. I have minions who do my dirty work for me. You'll be gum on the sidewalk when they finish with you.

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  15. they ain't comin' down to no humboldt park, kingpin!

    brrrring it!

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  16. Mine is usually along the lines of "scream all you want, ain't no one gonna hear ya." I don't date much.

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  17. wait, oh man i'm so confused. i never said you said i was hot-what guy said i was hot? lol.

    thas so cool! and what's nasty? wait, what?!?! I'm SO CONFUSED!! oh my gosh. lol. i'm hungry too, so yeah, ur gonna have to email me or somethin.

    and oh, you live by where we own an apartment building-what church you go to?? thas so great, i'm glad.
    and i saw on your "profile" ha ha ha, you're 30, almost double my age.

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  18. ummm, ill, micah.

    not in the old school sense.

    well, maybe i'm reading it wrong, barbarian.

    ReplyDelete

Be kind. Rewind.