I would add Timi to my list of women who denied me dates, except that I don’t remember where I placed that thing.
Timi, I knew this much, lives in Delaware. As I looked at the road map, I noticed the peninsula was right above the Virginia Beach area, where my brother was getting married. Of course, I didn’t realize that she’s north of the peninsula itself and as a result is several hours away still. But she stood me up for family. Which is, after all, a way to stand me up - I suppose.
I’m not sure I would’ve wanted her to meet my family. I already told her about my *ahem* eccentric father. The after-effects wouldn’t be devastating (Timi is a survivor, after all. She’s not gonna give up. And I know I can already take just about anything thrown my way.), but the moment could easily be wrenchingly bizarre and humiliating. Though good fodder for future logs.
Dad & mom size Timi up.
Dad (out loud): Oh, that’s quite a catch you got there son! When’s the wedding date?
Me: Catch? No, dad. Don’t.
Timi: Me, catch? Exkyooze me?
Dad: Hommina hommina! She’s a fiery one!
Me: No! Listen. We are not an item. She is not my girlfriend…
Mom: Ohhhh… Is she your special friend, Jason?
Me: No! She is not my special friend. We are not in any way romantic relationship or anything. Today is my first time meeting Timi...
Mom: Jason! Did you call for a… (Looks back at Timi. Almost whispers.) escort?
Timi: What?? Jason!!
Brothers and sisters-in-law (Laughing so hard they’re spitting out lunch): Jason knows her from the internet.
Dad: (Looks at Timi) How old are you?
Me: No!! I know her from our blogs.
Dad: The frogs? What the heck are your frogs?
Mom: Jason, does the FBI know about this? Are they going to come looking for you?
(Timi has already left.)
Me: See what you guys did? She left!
Mom: Well, if she would already leave you, she wasn’t your real friend anyway.
Brothers and sisters-in-law: Oh man. We haven’t laughed this hard since we don’t know when. Thank you, Jason. Thank you, Timi.
Maybe I should work on some of these other issues before the next family wedding. You still in, Timi?