Tuesday, September 13, 2005

This is lame. I'm doing a Gabi. Posting on one blog and then on another. Normally, I would just give a teaser, but Xanga's just so difficult to comment on, and everybody here is scared of it. So, without further ado about nothing, my fifth post about my travels, in full:

I would add Timi to my list of women who denied me dates, except that I don’t remember where I placed that thing.

Timi, I knew this much, lives in Delaware. As I looked at the road map, I noticed the peninsula was right above the Virginia Beach area, where my brother was getting married. Of course, I didn’t realize that she’s north of the peninsula itself and as a result is several hours away still. But she stood me up for family. Which is, after all, a way to stand me up - I suppose.

I’m not sure I would’ve wanted her to meet my family. I already told her about my *ahem* eccentric father. The after-effects wouldn’t be devastating (Timi is a survivor, after all. She’s not gonna give up. And I know I can already take just about anything thrown my way.), but the moment could easily be wrenchingly bizarre and humiliating. Though good fodder for future logs.

Dad & mom size Timi up.

Dad (out loud): Oh, that’s quite a catch you got there son! When’s the wedding date?

Me: Catch? No, dad. Don’t.

Timi: Me, catch? Exkyooze me?

Dad: Hommina hommina! She’s a fiery one!

Me: No! Listen. We are not an item. She is not my girlfriend…

Mom: Ohhhh… Is she your special friend, Jason?

Me: No! She is not my special friend. We are not in any way romantic relationship or anything. Today is my first time meeting Timi...

Mom: Jason! Did you call for a… (Looks back at Timi. Almost whispers.) escort?

Me: Mama!!!

Timi: What?? Jason!!

Brothers and sisters-in-law (Laughing so hard they’re spitting out lunch): Jason knows her from the internet.

Dad: (Looks at Timi) How old are you?

Me: No!! I know her from our blogs.

Dad: The frogs? What the heck are your frogs?

Mom: Jason, does the FBI know about this? Are they going to come looking for you?

(Timi has already left.)

Me: See what you guys did? She left!

Mom: Well, if she would already leave you, she wasn’t your real friend anyway.

Brothers and sisters-in-law: Oh man. We haven’t laughed this hard since we don’t know when. Thank you, Jason. Thank you, Timi.


Maybe I should work on some of these other issues before the next family wedding. You still in, Timi?


  1. Escort? Well...I never!

    I'm down for the next family wedding.

    You need to stop saying that I stood you up too. I had a family reunion and you were HOURS outside of my city. You would've had to go WAY out of your way and endure tons of road construction just to make it back to Atlanta.

    THE END!

  2. atlanta?? no, i came in to town from atlanta for the wedding. although i would've been willing to drop by on the way down TO ATL, you wouldn't have been available during that time window, so there'd be no point.

    see, it's just easier (and funnier) saying that you stood me up.


Be kind. Rewind.