Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Swearing on a Pack of P-Funk LP's

Haven't been blogging regularly. Been going through a bunch of personal issues lately. Honestly, been watching a lot of Blockbuster movies - sometimes with my daughter (Happy Feet 2: Electric Bungalow; Yo Gabba Gabba: Live and Trippin' Your Preschoolers!), sometimes without (Mission Impossible 4: Everything's Broken! and the painfully embarrassing Transformers: Dark Side of Depression*). But I wanted to at least touch base.

I was walking home yesterday and started thinking - randomly, as I'm wont to do - about the necessity of the separation of Church and State. To me, as a Christian, it's a no-brainer. Religious organizations should be separate from the functions of the state to have a pure voice, and to be that pure voice as one for and with the marginalized and oppressed. It's impossible to do that when the Church/Synagogue/Mosque is defiled by political power - as we see happen time and time again. Which is not to say that the CSM shouldn't be involved in political and social issues, but not so much in regulating it. No spiritual movement should aligning itself to a particular party. Nor should a religious body have symbolic power over the vestiges of political power, bestowing upon the charade of politics a sacramental veneer.

So, no, I think that swearing an elected official into office on a Bible is a travesty which ties the Christian God to supporting the aggressive and violent acts of men (and women). It's nothing new, being the province of the West since Emperor Constantine saw a vision of a huge cross (a torture device, of course) declaring military victory for him and destruction for them.

So, I was wondering what should be used to swear on for an elected official? Surely the US Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, the Bill of Rights are more appropriate? But then what else? Robert's Rules of Order? A law text book? Justice John Marshall's corpse?

But then I started thinking about some pretty cool artifacts that one could swear on. Just as essentially meaningless as using the Bible is for a good many officials, but perhaps more revelatory. And I came up with this poster. - I'd like to see someone sworn into office on a pile of Parliament records, swearing to uphold and protect the Funk, the whole Funk, and nothing but the Funk.

I would then like to see the newly sworn-in officer tear the roof off this mother.

*I'm a strong believer in Truth in Advertising. And deep, abiding depression must possibly be the ONLY reason someone would put themselves through the near-aneurysm of watching more than twelve minutes of this embarrassing tripe (let alone four times as I did. Also, Michael Bay needs a consistency editor). One look at this movie and a chronic saddy like me thinks, "Oh, there is so much more to life than this!" And we have a new mission in life: To make sure robot porn is never unleashed on the public again. Who is with me?


  1. This is great!!! I'm on board 100%! America would probably be a lot more peaceful if it were "One Nation Under a Groove".

    This made me remember my favorite Onion article of all time.

    1. LOL!

      We'd finally be that long-deferred Rhythm Nation we've been dreaminf of for so long!

      And to have been a fly on the wall at that concert. Mass pandemonium, you skootily-bootily dig?

    2. "I did not wish to get 'funked up,'" said Roger Kleist, 33. "If I did, I would have attended a Dave Matthews Band concert.


      . "Their mode of dress was, frankly, garish," Felber told reporters, "not at all like the muted, earth-tone flannels and oversized cable-knit sweaters appropriate for concert wear."



  2. I think actual porn featuring robots and/or humans would be far superior to any of the Michael Bay Transformers movies. The FX should be cheap enough for some of the top-tier XXX producers, so what's the holdup?


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