These Are My Confessions

About once a year, I go through this ceremonial cleansing. Call it an exorcism if you will. Or a colonoscopy. I have to get the troofiness out there. But since I don't want to limit the scope of my troof -tellin' to just my Facebook friends and because I'm facing a major case of blogger blockage right now, I'll share some with you.

Efektiv 2day I is a librul hatin', God guns and Ameruka lovin' patriot! Get out of Amureka, hippys and Messicans! 

Hooray Capitalism! 

‎#TeamGingrich! 

God luvs rich white men! God bless them all! Xpt for Warren Buffet. He's a race trayter! 

I WILL ALSO FROM NOW ON USE ALL CAPS 2 DISPLAY MY RIGHT-NESS!! 

Whoop, gunlubbinjeebus! 

My favorite commercial of all time has gotta be the Dr. Pepper 10 ads. If it's not for you, it's because you have a va-jayjay, so stop whining.* 

I can't believe I dismissed the musical genius of Creed!

 Muppets suck! What are people thinking? Talking socks and imagination? Screw that!

Leave poor Rushbo alone! He's the victim here! 

Michael Bay's a friggin' Art God! 

Ed Hardy... it's like somebody threw up awesomeness on clothes! 

For Easter, Jesus wants us to wear a suit and tie to church, men. Why else did he die but for us to spend money we don't have to look like we're going to a pastel-colored job interview? 

Joel Osteen is my favoritest! He's like a shiny rainbow of promises and teeth! 

And finally, all the evidence isn't in yet! You have to give them time before you call it racist, racists. Besides, we live in a post-racist country. So, who's the racists now? Also, Trayvon was a thug drug dealer and he shot first, also.

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*Yeah, I gave up on the spelling inaccuracies later. Dead giveaway?