Monday, April 02, 2012

These Are My Confessions

About once a year, I go through this ceremonial cleansing. Call it an exorcism if you will. Or a colonoscopy. I have to get the troofiness out there. But since I don't want to limit the scope of my troof -tellin' to just my Facebook friends and because I'm facing a major case of blogger blockage right now, I'll share some with you.

Efektiv 2day I is a librul hatin', God guns and Ameruka lovin' patriot! Get out of Amureka, hippys and Messicans! 
Hooray Capitalism! 
God luvs rich white men! God bless them all! Xpt for Warren Buffet. He's a race trayter! 
Whoop, gunlubbinjeebus! 
My favorite commercial of all time has gotta be the Dr. Pepper 10 ads. If it's not for you, it's because you have a va-jayjay, so stop whining.* 
I can't believe I dismissed the musical genius of Creed!
 Muppets suck! What are people thinking? Talking socks and imagination? Screw that!
Leave poor Rushbo alone! He's the victim here! 
Michael Bay's a friggin' Art God! 
Ed Hardy... it's like somebody threw up awesomeness on clothes! 
For Easter, Jesus wants us to wear a suit and tie to church, men. Why else did he die but for us to spend money we don't have to look like we're going to a pastel-colored job interview? 
Joel Osteen is my favoritest! He's like a shiny rainbow of promises and teeth! 
And finally, all the evidence isn't in yet! You have to give them time before you call it racist, racists. Besides, we live in a post-racist country. So, who's the racists now? Also, Trayvon was a thug drug dealer and he shot first, also.

*Yeah, I gave up on the spelling inaccuracies later. Dead giveaway?

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