The Odious Freeloaders Ode to the public health system in the United States

Oh, America, how I love, how I adore, how I lavish that you are not like every other wealthy country - and most poor. For when we are sick, you have us fend for ourselves. That can only make us better, and teach us to not be sick or get into accidents if we are poor. And further, it strengthens the teachings that it sucks to be poor. Because there aren't enough lessons out there for the poor. Otherwise, they would quit being so poor already.

Thank you, American Medical System, for practicing expensive invasive medicines rather than advocating for more practical, cheap and less harmful preventative medicine. When we are filled with doughnuts and french fries, you wait until we are gangrene before you take preventative measures - such as chopping off our toes. This must also be a lesson in sacrifice. The poor must bear their weight.

The Old Cook County Hospital Building. I really love the ancient gothic-ness of the place. And that it looks like it's gonna collapse in on itself any minute now.

Thank you, Insurance Companies, for wrestling for more profits during a time when public outcry was great for universal healthcare. When nearly every other country has figured out that profit has no role in adequate medicine, you've successfully confused parties, the middle and working class to fight against their own self-interests and widen your profit margins. Bravo, bi-atches. Brav. O.

Thank you Tea Parties, both leaders and followers, for fighting against your own self-interests under the dumb-foundingly ignorant claims that fundamentally reforming medical care in the US would be more expensive than continuing on the same way. Even though every country with universal healthcare pays roughly half per capita what we do to cover fewer people. More importantly, thank you for fighting against the best interests of the 1/4 of working adults who can't afford insurance and emboldening the insurance companies to squeeze more out of everyone else. You are incredible. And simply astounding.

I want to thank the Supreme Court, for being both partial and childish. Long gone are the days when activist judges applied the constitution to African Americans and women. Now, at long last, we have activist judges who extend the constitution to corporations and profiteers. Three cheers especially for the justice whose wife actively lobbied against health care reform and the Affordable Care Act and who gets to sit on the bench and claim impartiality over this very issue. That was quite shrewd, CThom, quite shrewd.

And finally, I want to thank the Western and specifically American socio-cultural-political system. The one that has made leisure a priority, that has sacrificed your health to cosmetic, agri-business, fast-food, energy, and manufacturer industries through which your lives are endangered via the violence of toxins and pollutants in our air, water, land, and food. If it were not for you, Americans would have had to find some other way to get breast, lung, arterial, or rectal cancers (ok, I'm not sure about that last one...). If it weren't for the need to travel uncountable miles every day in order to procure our basic needs, we wouldn't have such car accidents or lung diseases. If it weren't for the artificial and unnatural additives in our daily bread, we wouldn't have such high rates of obesity, diabetes, and heart failure. Moreover, if it weren't for the divisive ways we practice capitalism in this country, we would not be able to have all the enjoyment of practicing so much fun violence. Gangs and their turf wars - as well as alcohol abuse, drug abuse and smuggling, and other signs of eonomic despondency - would be a thing of the past with enhanced opportunities for the unprivileged majority.

So, truly America, stay classy by continuing to fight against your best interests both as individuals and as a nation. Somebody up here is recognizing your good work. But it ain't Jesus.